Field of Thoughts: Ken's Turmoil
by Amai
Summary: Nightime on the soccer field. Ken contemplates his thoughts (yet ANOTHER kensuke- I'm hooked!)
1. Default Chapter Title

Field of Thoughts: Ken's Turmoil   
By Amai 

**Disclaimer-** Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies. 

**Author's Notes-** Wow, another Kensuke. Ack, I just love them too much...! And I'm kinda in a drought with the "Fool" story considering it's more of a kensuke/daisuke's thoughts on his friends and life than a pure kensuke. Okay...I'm a sucker, another kensuke (hopefully) series for you. I'll write something else...someday..*laughs* This one is short, just Ken dealing with his thoughts. It's quite confusing..I hope it's not too confusing for you! Well, I'll stop now. As always, R/R!   
  
  
  
It was night at the soccer field. But Ken stood there anyway. This was the place where he saw him, Daisuke every time he practiced. Such a charismatic boy, he wondered he if had hurt some of that charisma when he was a slave to evil.   
  
Evil. What is evil? He was sure that what he did was disgusting and immoral, but was it really...evil? It was a question that had always ringed through his mind. Ever since he had first seen Daisuke.   
  
He considered his undying need to be with Daisuke as an evil. Love was an evil, in many ways. At first he thought it was a trick that formed in his confused mind while he was the Kaizer. Maybe he just needed someone to torture, that's what he was thinking. But now that he's not the same boy that he was before...he wondered why that feeling was still there.   
  
He wondered why he was still standing in the middle of the field.   
  
"I believe that the winds can carry one's deepest emotions all the way across the world. If I cannot tell you, Daisuke, that I love you....maybe the winds could.", Ken said softly. He hated to admit it, but he was afraid. Afraid to tell Daisuke his real feelings. Afraid of rejection. But that was perfectly normal for him...he had always been afraid. Afraid to let go of the fantasy of becoming his deceased brother through focusing only on studies, afraid of leaving the insanity he had grown accustomed to. Just afraid.   
  
In more ways than one he considered himself insane. Yet...yet...   
  
...he found comfort in that. But it wasn't enough. Wasn't enough to keep him from dreaming of his charismatic angel...   
  
Or is it devil?   
  
No, the correct saying would be "demon". A demon didn't have to be "bad" or "good".   
  
Yes, Daisuke was his demon. He didn't know it yet, but he was.   
  
"I've come to realizations about you...one's you don't even know. You don't understand. I may not belong with you, but you belong with me. Those two statements do not mean the same thing."   
  
And they didn't. He could prove that by bringing that...girl...over to Daisuke. Hikari. Every day, every single day he would suffer through watching Daisuke gush over her, only to be pushed down.   
  
She didn't love him. Maybe...she was afraid to tell him that.   
  
Everyone's afraid of something.   
  
But...fear in a way was awkwardly delicious to Ken. Maybe because he hadn't really since fear in Daisuke's eyes before.   
  
"I want you to be afraid of me, sometimes...Daisuke. You're such a perfect demon, despite what other's think. I want to know why you're perfect...I want to break your perfect way."   
  
Yes, to Ken Daisuke really was prefect. Perfect in all his faults.   
  
"...but how could I break you if everything you did was perfect? I've agonized over this for many a day...because even a genius like me couldn't solve this problem..."   
  
He still had no idea why he was standing in the field.   
  
"Am I trying to prove something to myself? I'm so alone...I've always been, maybe that's why I want you. But, then if I'm alone I could have anyone couldn't I? Why you...? I want to break you and put you together. But fear is keeping me from that."   
  
Fear was an evil too.   
  
But then, he realized that even if fear was an evil, it was also a good as well. It was confusing, even to him.   
  
But..   
  
But....tomorrow was another day. Maybe he would learn the reason why everything was so confusing now.   
  
At least he had found out why he had come out to the field. He picked up a fallen pair of goggles that someone must have forgotten during practice.   
  
"Hopefully, Daisuke, the wind will send my thoughts to you. If not...then, you may never know if I don't destroy my fear...and your's as well."   
  
Goggles in hand, Ken slowly left the night soccer field with his thoughts still in turmoil.   
  
_If I can't slay my demons, what can I do...?_   
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Field of Thoughts: Daisuke's Poem   
By Amai 

**Disclaimer-** Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies. 

**Author's Notes-** Oh wow. I really like this one...it's a whole lot more upbeat than "Maybe", but it's cute. :) I had to test my poem writing in this one, so don't be too hard on me! I'm not the greatest poet, unfortunately. But I hope you like this! Please read and review, I'd love to hear your opinions. Note that Daisuke and Ken's thoughts are pretty similar..you'll notice that when you see his poem.   
  
  
  
Daisuke slumped down in his seat during class. How he wished he didn't volunteer for poetry reading. He didn't even know why he did it the first place. But he had felt so..so...confident when he had read it in front of chibimon last night. It was after right after soccer practice, when he was walking home. Chibimon was in his bag as he pulled a paper out of his pocket and looked at it.   
  
— 

"Hey Dai, what's that?", startled by the small digimon's voice, Daisuke jumped a bit and hid his paper, blushing a little. He scratched his head and laughed nervously, 

"Nothing really..uh...just a school assignment.", he frowned a bit internally. He didn't like lying to chibimon...but, it wasn't really a lie, since it really was true that it was an assignment. Aw, hell...who was he kidding? It was just embarrassing. Chibimon didn't buy his routine, unfortunately and raised an eyebrow, 

"You make a really bad liar, Daisuke. Now c'mon tell me! I won't tease ya or anything!", Daisuke sighed, and looked at chibimon. And sighed again, 

"Fine, but you tell no-one, y'hear? I don't want everyone thinking I'm trying to impress anyone by "turning over a new leaf" or anything, okay?", chibimon grinned and nodded. Daisuke cleared his throat as he began reciting his small poem. 

Chibimon listened intently to his friend as he spoke. Daisuke was reciting slowly, as if he wanted something to linger, to savor out of it. Or if...he was hoping for someone else to hear it as well. At first, one name popped in his head, Yagami Hikari. But chibimon quickly disregarded that as he listened in more...somehow those characteristics didn't represent the child of light. 

There wasn't much light in that piece, really. Just a lingering luminosity. Chibimon didn't fully understand it, but it did sound impressive, he had to admit to himself that he really didn't see Daisuke as...a poet? 

Just as Daisuke was about to start the last stanza, he tripped, and with a thump his paper was lost in the wind. 

"Oh no! Hey, Daisuke- why are you going after it?" 

"Oh, that? I've got it memorized." 

"Then why'd you need the paper?" 

Daisuke looked at the billowing paper, making it's way through the half painted dusk sky and cutting through the park and smiled. 

"I needed something to hide my fear, and that paper was just crazy enough to work."   
  
— 

Now he wished he hadn't of let that paper go. Not because someone could read it, he wasn't worried about that. Besides, even if someone did, they probably wouldn't know who he was. No, that wasn't worth worrying about. 

He needed his protection. Because he was scared again. 

He slumped back in his seat again and looked at the clock. 20 minutes until class was over and he was free. Hopefully the teacher wouldn't make it to him. Hopefully... 

He wondered why he was so scared. He was supposed to be fearless! The leader. It wasn't like he was pouring out his whole heart out to everyone. Hell, they wouldn't even know who he was talking about.....would they? If only. Maybe, they would think it was Hikari. He tried to make the poem seem like that, even though it was hard. Hard to keep the truth hidden, the person hidden under a sheet of lies. 

He really did lie a lot. It wasn't healthy. But...what if chibimon was right. He did say that Daisuke was bad at lies. Was he? Would it be that obvious...? 

He slumped down farther as Hikari was called up to read her poem. Damn, that meant after T.S. he was up. Damn, damn, damn. 

She walked up gracefully to the front of the class and smiled. He envied Hikari. Always so happy, no worries at all. He wondered if that's why he stuck on to her like that...he abruptly stopped his thoughts as he listened in to her poem. 

"Morning Light", she recited the name with ease, and then continued, __

"I know you want to know from me,   
Why I can see so easily,   
The light that dawns up though the sky,   
And brightens up the clouds up high,   
  
Sometimes I wish I could explain,   
Instead of light, the wind, the rain,   
But I can't see that in my view,   
'Cause it's so gloomy, like you too.   
  
It saddens me, it really does,   
Why you hide secrets, just because,   
And run to me, to find your light,   
But since you can't, it ends in fight.   
  
For I cannot soothe the pain inside,   
I can't really heal the light that's died,   
And I cannot provide another sun,   
Perhaps that is meant for another someone." 

The class clapped as Hikari bowed. Daisuke just stared, as she smiled at him and sat down. He knew she was referring to him...but did she know? And how? 

He would never understand women. 

He laughed for a second at his thoughts. Maybe that's why he wasn't attracted to a woman then. They were just too...confusing. But then, maybe she would understand. Understand why he cared for...him...enough to write a poem. Understand why he was so damned afraid. 

One more person up, Takaishi Takeru. He envied Takeru as well...enough to almost wish that he didn't fight with him that much. Well...almost. A guy had to keep his rep, y'know. Funny thing is that, looking at Takeru he sensed an uneasy aura, almost like his, around the blonde haired boy as he stood up in front of the class. 

"My Protector", he softly said, __

"I thought it might be easy to be alone,   
Maybe forever,   
It made me so mad when we left home,   
When I was forced to let my protector go,   
I was so young then,   
I didn't understand what a "divorce" was,   
I don't think he knew much about it either,   
All I knew was my protector was going away,   
But in my self pity I didn't realize that maybe I was going away instead,   
And I was,   
I thought I'd never see him again, my protector,   
Being so young and all,   
I did see him though, but only in fleeting moments,   
But...I guess, now that I look at it,   
Being with him, even for the shortest moments,   
Was still special to me,   
And isn't that all that counts, brother?", 

Takeru bowed just like Hikari when the applause came. He looked relived as he took his seat. Daisuke couldn't help be smile at his poem. It was about Ishida Yamato, his brother. He never quite considered the strong connection the two brothers held. He made a note to ask Takeru later....if he didn't forget. 

Aw shit. It was his turn now. What was he going to do...? Stand up, he figured. The teacher was eyeing him already, as to tell him "Get up already!", so he had better not waist time. 

Slowly and shakily he made his way to the front of the class. Hikari gave him a last reassuring smile as he looked at her. She knew. That was more than enough to start him up. 

"Field of Thoughts", he began as the nervousness in him started to melt away.. __

"Why won't you look at me?   
I look at you all the time.   
Hoping, wishing that you'd look back,   
Secretly wanting you to speak to me,   
You seem so above me,   
Like an angel? No. You've been tainted,   
You couldn't be an angel.   
But then, you couldn't be a devil as well,   
Have you ever heard of good demons?   
I consider you one,   
Please don't take that offensively,   
I never meant to hurt you,   
In fact, in fact...   
I think I may love you,   
But I know that this love can't be for real,   
To love you is dangerous,   
Just not correct,   
But I laugh at that, because I don't really get that many correct answers on tests anyway,   
I'm rather stupid, actually,   
And seeing that you're the complete opposite, could you look at someone as stupid as I?   
Is that why you don't look at me? I'm dying to know.   
Because if so, maybe I should start being smart." 

Daisuke sighed a big sigh of relief as he bowed. For now...for now, the fear was gone. But sadly the one he loved had no idea about this poem. Maybe it was all for the good. 

As the class was dismissed, Takeru ran up to Daisuke and said, 

"Hey, that was a pretty good poem, Daisuke!", not in the mood to argue, the other boy simply replied, 

"Thanks...I was really nervous and all." 

"Hey don't worry about it, so was I..we all get nervous at one point or another. Hey,", he added, looking at Daisuke's spiky hair of burgundy, "...what happened to your goggles?" 

Wait...what did happen to his goggles? Crap, he must have forgotten them at the soccer field! And seeing that they weren't really his, but Tai's...well, he wouldn't be so happy about that. 

He waved the thought out, he'd go find it later. Hopefully. It's just that he had other things to worry about right then. Like figuring out that sudden fear he had before reading his poem. But before he could go farther, he saw Hikari in the corner of his eye, she was walking towards him, 

"Hi, Hikari!", he smiled and waved. She smiled back and responded, 

"Hi Daisuke. That was a nice poem! I really didn't know you had it in you.", she grinned even wider and whispered in his ear, "...But I always did know you liked Ken." 

Yes, Daisuke would never understand the ways of the female race. At least, never in his lifetime. But, in a way...it was a comfort to have a shoulder to lean on.   
  
_But will I live forever just confessing my love to a person who's not the one I want...?_   
  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Field of Thoughts: C'est La Vie?   
By Amai 

**Disclaimer-** Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies. 

**Author's Notes-** I'm acutally not that happy with this one, it turned out shorter and not exactly what I wanted. Oh well. I hope you like it more than I do! Also, if you haven't you should read the first two of the "Field of Thoughts" series, Ken's Turmoil and Daisuke's Poem. I rather like how this is going, but I'm not really looking for my opinion- I'm looking for your's! Please Read and Review, you'll make me a very happy person.   
  
  
  
Ken didn't feel like walking, but he was. He knew that it helped him think straight, uninfluenced by standby thoughts. He wanted his thoughts to always be in motion. Allowing one's mind to slow down to a standstill made it vulnerable for attacks of manipulation. As he had learned, too well from past experiences. But the downfall was that with your mind always in motion there was no way to stop it...to get an idea, to understand. 

Life was like that. There was always something blocking your way to success. Success...Ken had always envied those who had made it there. He had never seen it before. To him, success was an imaginary term. One term he was determined to discover. 

What was keeping him from his success? Everything. He didn't even know what his own success was anymore. Was it just to be a normal adolescent? Or was it...was it.. 

The same as always: Conquer and Control. He had always been that way, at least when he was the Digimon Kaizer and ever now. In fact...as much as he tried to push the Kaizer away before, he found that to keep his "sanity" he would still have to feed off of it. 

He still was the same guy, after all. 

Oh well. Or C'est la vie...as was so often said. Ken never understood that sentence. "That's life"? If that's life, then someone should change it. He would change it. After all, Ken Ichijouji always got what he wanted. 

If only he knew what he wanted in the first place. Or why he couldn't have it. 

Motomiya Daisuke. The name still ringed in his head. The boy was his, but he couldn't have him. There. The method of his madness. 

Yes...he wished the answer to the question of his life was that simple. Simple like the one he desired. 

Daisuke was simple, and complicated. He saw life like a soccer game, defeat the other team, or the "evil" to gain your goal, your success. A thought many leaders share. But what set Daisuke apart from the other leaders was the fact that it seemed that he wasn't only going for the goal. Motomiya wanted something else. Something far away that was out of his reach. 

And it frustrated both Ken and Daisuke that he couldn't figure out what that "something" was. 

"Complexity can be beautiful.", Ken blankly stated as he looked at the pair of goggles in his hands. He still had not given it to Daisuke, for fear of something. 

Again, another something no one knew. It seemed life got that way when he reverted from his earlier state. It made him want to become the Kaizer again in a way. Maybe that was why he still held his former self so close to his mind. 

He looked around. Well he'd be damned. It was the field again....he always seemed to unconsciously wander into that field. Field of his thoughts. Funny, a simple place like this harboring Ken's detailed and delicate thoughts. 

Simplicity walked hand in hand with complexity. 

That was a false statement. Because if it were true....why weren't Daisuke and him walking together? 

Suddenly infuriated, Ken chucked the goggles ahead of him and crumpled to the ground. He held his face in his hands, but didn't cry. 

"I don't understand what you want from me! Every time...", he gasped out, "...every time I find a little coherent information about life, it takes it away from me with another question...mocking me. I feel like such an idiot trying in vain to understand it!" 

Idiocy. Simplicity. Even life was too complicated for the genius Ken Ichijouji. 

And he was beginning to hate it for that. 

Something passed his eye, a floating piece of paper in the wind. For no apparent reason, he reached for it and grasped it like it was his lifeline. He then stared at it, reading the words scrawled on it. 

A foolish poem, written by a foolish person. 

....Like him. Almost frantically, he began to search for the name of the author on the paper. But unfortunately whoever's name that was written on it had long faded away. 

He cursed to himself and sighed. Whoever had written that knew him. Knew him without actually knowing him. Standing up, he realized that there was no reason to be angry. Not like that would even change a damn thing. 

After all...c'est la vie, right? 

It was getting late anyway, he was just wasting his time wandering in the empty soccer field of his mind. Or Daisuke's. 

Besides, he had a letter to write...   
  
— 

Another wasted Saturday, is what Daisuke felt like screaming when he woke up. But he didn't want to disturb the sleeping chibimon on his stomach. 

"DAISUKE! SOMETHING'S HERE FOR YOU!", Jun's screeching voice sounded through the house. And Daisuke and chibimon's ears. Not to mention everyone else's in the world. 

Spoke too soon, Daisuke guessed as chibimon opened up one pleading eye. 

"You and me too, chibi'....", Daisuke fell out of bed reluctantly and sleepily wandered to the kitchen where Jun was eating breakfast. 

"Here.", his sister nonchalantly shoved a note towards him. He read, __

"Dear Daisuke,   
I have your goggles you left at soccer practice, but one of the glasses is broken so I have taken it upon myself to repair it. I will call you when it's done, which will probably be today. 

Signed, Ken Ichijouji" 

The outside world seemed to halt after that. It was heaven...not only would he have to go to the house of his love, he actually was repairing his goggles! Daisuke would have melted to the ground if Jun wasn't watching him like a hawk. Damn sisters. 

"So what'd it say?", she inquired. Daisuke frowned and folded it up, 

"None of your business.", she replied with sticking out her tongue, 

"Brat. Not like I really care anyway.", she resumed eating her cereal. Daisuke retreated the room in solid composure, but as soon as he was far enough away from Jun he broke down in a little dance, grinning like a fool. He figured he probably was anyway. But like he even gave a damn. 

Life doesn't get any better than this, does it? 

_Perhaps, as Hikari stated in her poem...that sun he yearned for was really meant for another someone..._   
  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

Field of Thoughts: A Phone Call of Anticipation   
By Amai 

**Disclaimer-** Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies. 

**Author's Notes-**Ahh...not quite happy with this one really either. I was running short on time *le sigh* Nothing much happens in it, but it's leading things, sorry if I dissapointed you! As always Read and Review, it'll make Amai a happy little girl, yes. Not much to say so carry on-   
  
  
  
"Hi, is Daisuke there?" 

"Yeah, he's been in the kitchen by the phone the whole day, you'd think he'd be hungry or something." 

"Can I see him?" 

"Sure, he doesn't have anything better to do obviously." 

Takeru made his through the Motomiya residence to the kitchen where Daisuke was scribbling something down whilst keeping a strong hold on the phone. He seemed to be anticipating every minute that passed and glanced at the phone for what seemed like more than the fifth time to Takeru as he walked in. When the boy noticed that someone else was in the room, looking a bit flustered he quickly jammed the paper he was writing on in his pocket and regarded him, his face a bit red, 

"What're you doing here?", Daisuke snorted. Takeru disregarded that and replied, 

"Did you remember, Daisuke? We were gonna have a group picnic today! And you and Tai were going to have a soccer match. You left us hanging!", this caused Daisuke to frown and smack his head, now coming into realization, 

"I thought that was going to be next Saturday....damn...how late am I?" 

"Two hours.", Daisuke smacked his head again and snapped at Takeru, 

"Why didn't you guys remind me?!" 

"We thought you'd remember because you have an appetite just as big as Tai's. What are you doing that has you so preoccupied anyway? Jun told me all you were doing was hanging around the phone.", Daisuke turned slightly red again and simply replied, 

"I'm waiting for something, nothing really important.", Takeru raised an eyebrow at this, 

"Oh really..? If it's not so important you'd be at the picnic by now, so let's go.", this alarmed Daisuke and he frantically tried to conjure up an excuse to stay...to stay with the phone. Anticipating. Anticipating Ken. 

It wasn't like he wasn't always anticipating Ken. 

"No! I mean....chibimon is tired and all, and I guess I am too. Sorry, I guess we can't go-" 

"Wow, you are so bad at hiding things Daisuke. I'm not leaving until you tell me what you're up to. It must be important seeing that you haven't left the phone since you woke up." 

"Listen, T.J.! I really can't tell you why, just trust me...it's not anything bad!", Takeru frowned, still not buying it, 

"Come on Dai-" 

The phone rang. 

Daisuke's heart skipped a bit as everything around him dissolved away. For all he cared Takeru didn't exist. Just Ken. But...but..as he reached for the ringing phone something arose in him that he hadn't considered. 

Anticipation walks hand in hand with fear. 

Or rather, questioning one's actions. Questions flooded Daisuke's mind in that one second before grabbing the phone. Questions that frightened him. And angered him. Motomiya Daisuke was not supposed to be shy! He was supposed to be brave, the knight in shining armor. 

All his armor had rusted when he realized he didn't love the damsel in distress. 

Damn those realizations. 

Another ring. It was either now or never....and he didn't know what he'd do if he picked never. 

"Motomiya Residence, Daisuke here." 

"Daisuke-san? It's Ken. Your goggles are repaired, do you have the time to come over and get them?" 

The world seemed to come in place then. Takeru was once again looking at him...waiting for him to speak. The silence was a deadly murderer. Questions....again. Should he go to Kens? Or should he follow Takeru and see Ken after the picnic? 

It seemed so obvious what he was going to pick. But it wasn't. Part of him wanted to hide, be shy. Not pursue his dreams. After all, all he was really doing was getting his pair of goggles. But...it could be so much more if he looked at it from a different view. He had made his decision. 

"Hey Ken, could you hold?" 

"Very well." 

Daisuke looked at Takeru pleadingly. Something had changed in the blonde's eyes...as if he had just gotten into a realization himself. He began to stand up, 

"Go ahead.", was all he said. And was all he really needed to say. Daisuke gave him a smile of gratitude and put the phone back to his ear. 

Takeru knew now as well. Maybe...maybe.. 

....Maybe Takeru was really a girl. He internally laughed at his little joke as he focused back to the phone...and Ken. 

"Back. Yeah, I can come now, just had to clear something up." 

"Good, because I have something I need to tell you as well.", That froze Daisuke right on the spot. Anticipation was the devil. Now he had more things to wonder about once he got to Ken's place. Things he'd rather not dwell on. Shrugging that off for a second, he answered, a bit shakily, 

"Sure..I'll be there in a few. See ya." 

"Bye." 

A click of the line. Daisuke let out a sigh of relief, surprising himself. Was he really scared? Scared to meet his adored? It was all so...disheartening. 

"Well, aren't you going to leave?", Takeru suddenly said out of the blue. He was still there? Figures. 

"I'm going! I'm going!", Takeru chuckled a bit and asked Daisuke one last question before the two left his house, 

"Say...what was on that paper you shoved in your pocket when I came in?" 

It was times like these that Daisuke wondered why he even tried to keep secrets. It didn't matter, seeing that Takeru knew his little "secret". He sighed and gave him a small smile, 

"A poem, T.K, a poem."   
  
— 

Ken found himself in the field of thoughts again. But only...this time he wasn't on the soccer field. He was simply sitting on his bed, cradling a sleeping leafmon. 

Simply sitting on a bed. Simplicity. Progressing to complexity. 

And that complexity was Daisuke. 

In a way, he wanted Daisuke not to come....to spare him the pain of confessing. 

Confessing his thoughts in turmoil. By which would cause more turmoil. 

"My Daisuke....I wish I knew, I just wish I knew....", he half sobbed, still cradling leafmon, and his complex, yet simple soul as well. 

Yes, when Motomiya Daisuke entered he would finally know what Ichijouji Ken thought of him. How he was willing to solve the mysteries of the world with him. But....did Motomiya Daisuke even want to solve the mysteries? Ignorance is bliss after all. 

Ken just didn't know. And he had know idea which way life was turning now. 

_Why does life have to be such a ruthless secretive bitch?_   
  
  



	5. Default Chapter Title

Field of Thoughts: Sieze the Moment   
By Amai 

**Disclaimer-** Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies. 

**Author's Notes-**One thing, as much as it seems like it this is NOT the end of the "Field of Thoughts" series. I've decided that it's basically an on going Kensuke series by which Daisuke and Ken usually come to realizations in. Which means I can have several scenerios to put them in. ^_^ Isn't that just greeaat? Yes, yes, I know I'm rambling. 'Tis what I do. I'm kind of upset on how fast this goes, but I'll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about it. Please Read and Review!   
  
  
  
Each step he took made his heart beat faster. Daisuke realized that he was contradicting himself. He was the keeper of Courage. Yet...he was so afraid, so utterly cautious. It was a trait he had acquired ever since he was born. 

He was constantly protecting himself from getting hurt. He knew how pain felt like, and he did not want to go through it again. At first, that was why he had so quickly latched on to Hikari, calling her "his girl". He was still confused on why exactly he had done that. They had really started out as very good friends. He admired her, but nothing more. 

He still did. Light did have a nice way of clearing things up. But...he had hidden behind the light instead of using it to clear things up. Only now did he know that. 

Daisuke slowed down from his hasty pace. No need to wear himself down, it would only increase his anxiety. 

"What am I thinking....I don't even know what I'm doing.", he sighed. He really didn't. But that was a given seeing as, to quote his poem- he wasn't very smart. If he was, then he would know what to do, or how to organize his thoughts. 

"The more I think about it...the more I wish I hadn't even seen Ken. I wish I was just..in love with Hikari.", Funny as that sounded, it would have made life a lot easier. Being in love was one thing, but with a guy? An abomination. It just wasn't...natural. 

Daisuke wasn't natural. Ever. He had always thought he was well, different. Ever since he was a small boy, and in pure innocence had confessed to his okaasan that he found another male "cute". Of course, she was alarmed and told him how unmoral it was to be thinking thoughts like that. Forcing him to resign from his feelings due to fear. 

Dirty, perverted, sick. Fearing those words would be thrown at him. 

One can't keep a charade going on forever, unfortunately. Daisuke wanted to blame it all on the poem, scream that that's why he confessed to himself to truth. But he knew he would just be protecting himself again...making way for more confusion and realization. More lessons. 

He didn't feel like learning anything. He just wanted to know. He rubbed his head in frustration, 

"How am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't really tell how I feel? I just want to know why!", he screamed out to no one in particular. Remembering something, he quickly dug through his pockets and pulled out his small poem. Looking over it he softly said, 

"Here Ken, here's another poem I wrote for you...I would actually read if it I could, but I'm being held back...", he ended that sentence with a depressed note. He just didn't have the strength to pursue his desires. In the end the second holder of the crest of courage cowered back into the hole he was pulled out of. Why was he..of all people pulled out in the first place? 

He was never brave. That was the only realization he had come to. He just wasn't brave. And he felt the world was playing with his mind, and life just to tell him that he was unworthy of it. 

Great, now he was depressed. Now he wished he had just gone with Takeru to the picnic. 

Just one more block left and he was at the house of his beloved. Another block of realizations. And now...as he felt the water slash off of his olive skin, rain. He quickly pocketed his poem in dismay. 

How come it always seemed to rain when he felt bad? It only made the feelings increase within him. 

"Just peachy, I'm going to be all wet and smelly when I reach his house! What am I doing? Am I deliberately setting myself up?", he quickly stopped talking to himself as he began slowly walking up the stairs to the door. 

Slowly with every amount of strength in him. Strength to help him stand up. Strength to help him survive what the world was going to do to him now...   
  
— 

Ken knew Daisuke was there. But he didn't want to get up. He felt like the other boy had drained all his power from him with a single breath. 

"I don't want to face the truth, I'm hiding again, just like I was before..and always. I don't know what freedom is anymore because I've created chains stronger than my soul. I cannot break them. I feel like a fool." 

Indeed he did. He was being ridiculed because he had felt something different. Discriminated against because he loved a boy out of his limited reach. Humiliated because he had done this out of free will, unknowingly to himself. 

"Ken! Your friend Daisuke is here to see you!", his okaasan called to him. 

"I'm coming", was all he said, forcing his now heavy with regret body to face Motomiya Daisuke. 

His demon. He had sold his soul to a demon. 

"Hello Daisuke, I see you're here already.", he greeted the boy smirking a bit despite himself. With a bit of hidden satisfaction he noticed Daisuke shift a bit nervously. Could it be that his demon was just as afraid of him as he was too? 

"Yeah, well when I found out I had lost my goggles or more so well..Taichi's, I freaked! Thanks for repairing 'em for me.", Daisuke said, almost smoothly. He had somehow let a little nervousness slip in. He inwardly cursed, did he have to be so weak sounding? 

"You're welcome. I didn't have much to do anyway, but..I did find this.", he quickly showed the other boy a paper, "I found it on the field. It seems to be a poem, would you have any idea who wrote it?" 

Ken smirked again. He had finally figured something out, and it included a poem. Or rather...a riddle, as it had become over the past days. He was almost in control again, rather than the empty ridiculed person he had metamorphosed to be in the field of thoughts. 

He had finally figured out to manipulate the field of thoughts into what he wanted. After all...Ken always got what he wanted. Watching Daisuke splutter out his response after looking at the poem was all too divine to not relish in. 

"That..that..poem...I-I..", the world was spinning. And Daisuke didn't know how to stop it. How to stop the words coming from his mouth. 

"I..had written that in admiration...love, for someone." 

"Let me seize the moment as to tell you how that someone was", Ken said as with one swift moment he did exactly what he said. Quickly, but just as tenderly he grasped Daisuke as he brushed his lips against the other boy's. 

Daisuke was in shock. At first he didn't know what to do...was confused again...but he could feel that maddening want, that pleading for him to comply to Ken's command just then. 

And Motomiya Daisuke did not have a lot of self control when it came to this. So, he complied. 

The two broke off the kiss. Ken, gasping a bit for air simply answered, 

"It was simple, Daisuke. It was simple. But even simple things are complex to geniuses, so don't believe that you are not brilliant. You are a brilliant fool to have let me into your trap...", 

Daisuke could only reply, "You knew...I-" 

Ken silenced him with a hand, smiling. 

"It took me just as long as it took you to realize who had written that poem." 

And he was right....ever since Daisuke had written that poem, he would accept in, then deny it to himself. As if...as if he didn't know who it belonged to. 

"I'm such an idiot...", Daisuke sighed, looking down from Ken as a few tears formed in his chocolate eyes. Another kiss, a bit more forceful. 

"I did not say you were an idiot, because if you were, I would be too. We have simply found out something that I hope will never dissolve away....ne, Daisuke?" 

"Hai. This is gonna be the start of many poems in the future..", Daisuke replied, returning the favor. So beautiful....so beautiful it was, to finally understand something. That he and Ken were together. 

So beautiful was it to know that life had finally taken heed on both of the two boys, who were now entangled in each other's hugs, souls. 

Hikari's last stanza in her poem had held it's prediction true in the end 

For so beautiful was the new future that loomed ahead for the two someone's that were meant for each other.   
  
  



End file.
